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Testing the Divorce Waters
from:Sometimes couples decide that separating for a period of time could actually be healthy for a marriage. But it is also a risky move, because the separation could become so appealing that the spouses decide to take the next step which is divorce. But in many cases, a trial separation gives people the opportunity to take a breather from marital problems.
Advantages of Separation
A trial separation can take many different forms including an informal separation or a legal separation. An informal separation is one where legal papers are not filed in court. The couple simply agree to live apart, but that can take many forms. For example, some couples remain in the same house and just live in separate bedrooms and agree to give each other the freedom to do as they please. In other situations, one of the spouses normally moves out of the home and lives elsewhere. Sometimes finances determine the arrangement.
A legal separation has been recorded in court. This kind of separation can be almost as expensive as a divorce, but it provides certain legal advantages. For example, property may be legally divided for the purpose of living apart. Most separations are informal though, because the separation is tried as a last ditch attempt to save the marriage. It is hoped that divorce can be prevented.
The advantages of separating are many. You get a great reminder of what it was like being single again. You got married because you loved your spouse and enjoyed the companionship. But it’s easy to forget all the trials and tribulations of being single when a marriage runs into trouble. In addition, probably the biggest advantage to separation is the fact that it’s reversible. At any point you can move back into the house and resume the marriage.
Me-Time
All too often a spouse may come to feel that the marriage has swallowed them up whole. By this is meant the fact that the spouse feels like they have lost their personal identity and get no time to themselves. Women concentrate on their husbands and children. Men focus on work and the children. Often there is extended family demanding attention also. This doesn’t leave much time for you.
If you decide to separate, it’s important to make sure you spend the time trying to work out the marriage problems you are experiencing. If you separate and don’t spend any time repairing the marriage, it’s quite possible you will find yourself divorced. Instead you should spend separation time exploring your feelings about your marriage and the problems that drove you to separate.
We-Time
Though you are separated the point is to reconcile at some point. In order to make this happen though, you have to open up the lines of communication with your spouse. You can’t separate, never talk to your spouse and expect to resolve your differences. In fact, during the separation it would be great if both of you could get marriage counseling. You can attend individual sessions and joint sessions with your spouse. Attending counseling sessions will insure the lines of communication are kept open.
Separation should be approached as time to regroup if you hope to avoid divorce. If you separate with the idea in mind that now anything goes, your marriage will not be repaired. Separating from your spouse is serious business, especially if children are involved. The children must come to understand that mom and dad are just taking a break from each other. When the children become unduly upset, you can discover you will spend even more time soothing their feelings then you do now.
If you are looking for a way to stop divorce, a separation is one way to take a break from each other without actually filing court papers. You can spend time reflecting on your marriage while enjoying a brief respite from the demands marriage can place on a person’s life. It should not be viewed as an opportunity to evade responsibility or to have some fun without your spouse.
Instead the separation time should be spent productively if you want to stop divorce. This means spending the time to work through the marriage problems by keeping communication with your spouse open at all times.
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